


The Shakespeare In Me

by Madleane



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-14 10:22:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3407123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madleane/pseuds/Madleane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico and Esteban have been together for nearly a year, yet they still have some... issues with communication. Will Nico be able to solve their problems?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shakespeare In Me

_“Hello guys. We’re here in Austin, Texas…”_

Esteban’s face appeared on the screen.

His smile was bright, yet it never reached his eyes. 

He was nervous. Nico saw it. He saw it in the way the younger man smiled, in the way his voice wobbled or how he kept his hands in the pockets of his jeans all the time. He never kept them in his pockets. The only times he did were because he was feeling either too nervous or too awkward and didn’t know what else to do with them.

No… It was impossible. He’d been so enthusiastic about this project… _You’re imagining things, Hulkenberg._

_“We’re on our way to FOTA Fan Forum and uhm… we have a great time sharing our experience with all the fans, our supporters and…”_

Nico knew that these words weren’t his own. Carefully prepared by the PR people and given to learn by heart. Nothing personal. Nothing political. No possibility of faux pas. Empty words. Designed to make everyone happy. 

_“We hope for a great weekend in Austin with all the Mexicans and Latins and a lot of people…”_

Everyone…

_”Really great atmosphere. We’re gonna really enjoy.”_

All of those people. Just a smile, just an autograph… a touch, a hug… piece by piece they tear you apart. Nico knew this feeling. He knew it all too well. And being forced to sit there – idle and powerless - with a mere laptop on his knees; watching Esteban in the middle of this crowd, was excruciating. And even the awareness that the show wasn’t live; that it was all over by now, did not help to set his mind at rest.

And Esteban… he had always loved doing these things. For some strange reason he would say that ‘the fans were important’ and that ‘he love spending time with them’. Especially if they were Mexican fans.

The German wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to understand it.

On the contrary to the common opinion, Nico despised this part of their job. PR events, fan forums, interviews, stupid promotional videos… he hated them all. But he would keep this façade. He would cheer and applaud, and under no circumstances deceive his reluctance. He was here to support.

No matter what. 

* * *

He didn’t bother to look up from the laptop screen as the door to his apartment cracked open. He’d already knew who it was, even before the person entered. With a smile plastered on his face, he said in a singsong voice:

“Mein Filmstar has arrived.”

A heavy sigh was heard from the other part of the flat as Esteban closed the door behind himself and began taking off his shoes.

“Nico…” he muttered. “I told you not to watch it. It’s stupid.”

The German snickered and shook his head, pausing the video. Had the kid actually thought that he was going to keep his promise? There were only so many things in the world that truly mattered to Nico and watching his friend’s… no, his lover’s first individual appearance on TV was certainly one of those.

After taking Esteban’s duffel bag and placing it aside, he sat up from his position where he was lying sprawled out on the couch and made room for the younger man to sit beside him.

“All of the PR stuff is” he admitted, putting his arm around the slightly bony shoulder. “But this one has you in it.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

There was a trace of exasperation in his voice. An emotion that Nico couldn’t quite put his finger on.

Had something happened while he’d been gone? Because it surely wasn’t Nico watching the video that set him off so badly, was it?

Either way, Nico knew he had to do something about it.

He leaned forward and whispered: “It does to me.”

Yet even this hadn’t brought the expected reaction.

Esteban rubbed his face and groaned with irritation. He seemed sulky and annoyed, and it baffled German, because hey, wasn’t he supposed to be happy to be home again? They hadn’t seen each other for over a week and now, when they finally could spend some time together, Esteban was acting so strangely.

“Why so sad?” he tried, speaking as gently as he could.

“Ahhh, I’m just tired…” But there was a hint of something else in his voice. Resignation, but with a strange, ill-suited undertone and Nico decided he couldn’t let it slide.

“Let me make you feel better, then”

He swore, he could feel a shiver that ran down the Mexican’s spine as he pressed his lips to the soft spot behind his ear. Not kissing, just pressing. Barely touching at all. He bit his bottom lip as a sweet mixture of aftershave and Esteban’s shampoo invaded his nostrils. It had been so long… Way too long…

He closed his eyes and got lost in the moment.

“I missed you, you know?” he whispered. “I missed you, mein Schatz.”

A strangled half-moan escaped Esteban lips as Nico started kissing his earlobe. A symphony of feather-light pecks, followed by soothing, loving words. Words, or rather meaningless syllables and phones that got lost somewhere in the flow of thoughts and emotions. Lost. Forgotten. A residual resemblance of what they used to be.

Esteban wasn’t even sure in which language they were being spoken. But it didn’t matter.

None of it mattered.

Nico shifted, so he was sitting on the younger man’s lap with his knees by both of Esteban’s thighs to hold his weight. He took the Mexican’s head in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on the feeling – nothing more, just the two of them – as Esteban’s breath tingled his skin.

So warm. So alive.

Each exhale coming out slow, slightly trembling at the edges and it never ceased to surprise the German how Esteban had never stopped being so shy and nervous when they got close like this, even after all this time they had spent together.

“Nico…” his whisper was small; inaudible almost, but Nico didn’t let him finish the sentence.

Cocking his head to the side, he joined their lips together in a long, passionate kiss.

 

There are those moments in life; these rare and momentous moments, when words are null and void and one action can say more than the longest and the most sophisticated of poems. These moments… when feelings mean more and two bodies become one, communicating on a level that is beyond verbal.

And Nico, as his lips were pressed firmly to the other’s, could’ve sworn he felt the bond that had been created. As their tongues danced together, rubbing against one another and fighting for control…

 

…the exchange of thoughts.

 

 Words that will never be spoken.

Love, lust and longing.

All expressed in one motion.

 

“I-uhm…  missed you too” Esteban breathed as they parted; lack of oxygen finally taking its tool.

Nico gave him last, quick peck on the lips and crouched down on the floor, giving the other man a chance to breathe properly. The current position gave him a perfect opportunity to watch the younger of the two carefully.

 

A thought crossed his mind. A sudden realization that made his heart warmer.

Esteban had changed a lot. Not only over the past week or so, but over the past year – since his very first day with Sauber. Nico still had this image imprinted in his imagination – a scared, young kid, who had been too afraid to talk with his own mechanics. A silhouette that was slightly out of proportion – too tall and too lean; constantly hunched over to make himself smaller. Invincible. And now…

His hair was longer; falling messily over his forehead.

And even though the shyness was still there, the difference was tremendous.

 

Noticing the intensive gaze, Esteban furrowed his brow. “What?”

“Nothing” Nico smiled, partly to the younger man and partly to himself. “Just admiring.”

The deep shade of vermillion, which appeared on the Mexican’s face, forced a chuckle out of Nico. Esteban looked away and shook his head, but grinned nonetheless. And this time it was a smile so bright that it reached his eyes. And it made Nico realize how much he’d missed it. And how lucky he was to be able to make him like this. _Happy_ …

“You were perfect out there” he whispered and only realized that those words were indeed spoken out loud by the look of puzzlement on Esteban’s face.

He gently patted the younger man’s knee. He would never understand. No. Not yet.

He tried to soothe the frown with circular motion of his hand and Esteban simply let him do everything he wanted as he sat awkwardly on the couch with his hands lying flat by his sides, eying Nico with brown, puppy-like eyes.

Nico’s hand wandered up and down his leg, venturing between his thighs for a brief moment only to go back to his knees again. Slow, withdrawn movements. Feather light touches of his fingertips. Moving up and down. Gently. Deliberately. Teasingly. And a smirk appeared on his face when Esteban shifted with an uncomfortable grimace on his face.

A whimper escaped Esteban’s lips the hand stopped moving, resting back on his knee instead.

“How was your week?” Nico asked matter-of-factly, yet deep down he knew exactly what he wanted to know. “Managed to put up with Sergio?”

“Checo… he was alright…” he breathed.

Yet Nico couldn’t help the feeling that he stopped mid-sentence; that there was more. For some reason Esteban was too stubborn to simply say it out loud. Yet it wasn’t about to last for long. Oh, Nico knew just the right ways to make him comply.

“But..?” he pressed.

As predicted, Esteban’s only reaction was the act of biting his bottom lip and looking away. Of course. Even after nearly a year of working together… of being together, they still had... some issues with communication. Nothing unusual. Nico couldn’t blame him though. It was just the way he was; a part of his identity and Nico fell in love with Esteban – a person as a whole and not only a small part of him.

He  massaged his thigh reassuringly. “S’okay” he whispered.

Esteban looked at him for a brief moment – his dark eyes full of questions, doubts. Silently asking for permission. Nico held his gaze, trying to give the needed assurance. _Yes, you can._ His mind seemed to say. _You can trust me._ And somehow… somehow beyond verbal perception, Esteban seemed to get the message as took a deep breath and started talking in a voice so small it was barely audible.

“I… I don’t like filming.”

Nico exhaled a breath he never realize he was holding. Of course. So that was indeed the problem. He should’ve trusted his instincts.

“But you were so excited about this FOTA thing…” he tried. The kid was almost beaming with excitement as soon as he’d been told about the event. First time on his own, in a place full of his fellow countrymen, during what was the closest to his home Grand Prix… “And you’ve always liked the PR stuff. What changed?”

“It was different…”

“Different how? It was better than the others. You said you’d love to do it.”

Esteban exhaled with frustration. He hated being confronted and up against the wall and Nico knew well about it. That was the point. The sooner he broke the sooner he would start talking. The first signs were already there. And it didn’t surprise the German when he finally snapped.

“It’s because you weren’t there!”

Nico chuckled at the sudden outburst:“You should be glad then” he joked. “Finally had your peace and quiet.”

Esteban on the other hand didn’t seem even remotely as amused. With his cheeks bright red, he looked away and added in a small, murmur-like voice: “It’s not the same when you’re not there.”

Nico smiled. He was torn between feeling touched and amused. Had the kid actually meant what he had said? Or maybe he was simply being nice… Because, no… I surely wasn’t what he really meant…

“But you were good. Very good.”

“No. It’s not like.. You’re… And I don’t have… the thing.”

“What thing?”

“Never mind. It’s stupid” he covered his face with his hands. “I only made an idiot out of myself.”

Nico sighed. _This is going to be harder than I thought._ He patted the younger man’s knee and beamed with an excitement. “I’ve got an idea.”

A look of terror appeared on Esteban’s face. “Do I want to know?”

“We’re gonna watch it.”

The color of his face went from bright red to deadly pale in a scarily short period of time. His eyed widened and his lips parted in utter shock. In shock and in disbelief. As if he was still trying to understand what he’d just heard. Thank God they had known each other for so long, otherwise Nico might’ve thought that the Mexican was about to have a stroke. Or worse.

“Are you kidding? No” he protested.

“Ja. We’re gonna watch it. Together. And we do it now. I want you to see…” Nico paused to gather his thoughts and then started again. This time with more confidence in his voice. “I want you to see that it was not stupid. And that I liked it. Really.”

Esteban moved as if he was about to stand up and leave, but Nico was taking none of it. He used both of his hands to keep him firmly in place, which brought a whimper full of frustration out of the younger man.

Nico reached out to set the video at the very beginning and gave Esteban an encouraging smile.

 “Come on, it will be fun.”

“No…” Esteban tried, yet he knew that there was no turning back now.

The German pressed play and joined him on the couch.

Sauber’s logo appeared on the screen along with an opening theme and a smooth tone of a journalist, describing the event as a whole. With artificial blond hair and comparatively artificial smile plastered on her face, she cheered along with a large crowd of people, awaiting the arrival of ‘the stars’.

An expensive-looking limousine parked in front of the gathering and two silhouettes stepped out, waving at the people. First of them was Sergio in his McLaren kit. He smiled and approached the fans, taking pictures and signing everything that he’d been handed. Esteban followed right after.

The German felt the younger man fidgeting beside him. “Nico, please don’t…”

 “Shh…” he soothed. “It’s not like the first time you see yourself on TV. Don’t be so dramatic.”

He inched closer and began kissing Esteban’s jawline. Loving, wet kisses. Each of them slow and deliberate. The underside of his chin. The upper part of his neck. Feeling the steady beating of Esteban’s pulse underneath his lips. And then, all the way up to his earlobe.

“It’s not the same with you here.”

Nico took the delicate flesh between his teeth. Not biting, but letting the younger man feel the pressure. Feel the power that he had over him in the position they were in, yet still not using it against him. Trust and loyalty.

“Na… pretend I’m not here” he whispered.

“It will be hard if you keep doing this, though.”

A hand slipped under the hem of Esteban’s T-shirt. Cold fingertips danced across his side… his ribs, making him squirm. He closed his eyes and bit his lip. The feeling. The touch on his waist, his stomach… Nico’s mouth behind his ear… And it almost felt like too much. Like he might scream from the sensation.

Nico stilled and rested his hand flat against Esteban’s tight.

“Open your eyes” he ordered. “I want you to watch.”

Esteban whined in frustration but complied nonetheless, forcing his eyes open and focusing on the laptop screen. It felt weird. Sitting here like this, with Nico’s hand wandering up and down his thigh – the movement maddening, making his breath hitch – and being forced to watch himself on the TV. The feeling was strange, yet still… arousing in its own wicked way.

Esteban moaned as Nico’s hand made a contact with his crotch.

It didn’t move. Not an inch. Only resting there. Giving just the right amount of pressure – so much he wasn’t able to ignore it, yet at the same time so little it drove him mad. And Esteban bit his bottom lip hard, almost to the point it cracked open, because it wasn’t enough. He needed more. He grabbed a fistful of sofa’s cushion and bucked his hips.

“Eyes” Esteban opened his eyes instantly, surprised at the firmness in Nico’s tone. “And don’t move. Just watch.”

Esteban looked back at the screen, yet he couldn’t quite focus on what was going on. His cheeks reddened in embarrassment. There he was with Checo, standing in the middle of a large group of fans and having a light-hearted conversation, topic of which he could not recall anymore. He wanted to look away, to bury himself somewhere deep, away from the humanity… But at the very moment, the button of his jeans popped open and Nico’s hand slid casually inside.

His hands were cold.

And Esteban couldn’t resist bucking his hips again.

Nico withdrew his hand and hissed warningly: “Don’t move or I’ll stop.”

Esteban wasn’t sure if he will be able to do it, but he nodded anyway, relishing in the feeling as Nico’s fingers find their way to his fly and unzipped it in a one, smooth motion. He gasped and closed his eyes shut as Nico grabbed his length and took it out of his underwear. Feeling the older man’s sharp look, he opened his eyes instantly and murmured a silent “Sorry…”, praying for the German not to change his mind.

He gasped in relief as Nico began stroking him in a slow yet firm motion.  

Each of Esteban’s breaths came out shaky and shallow as he tried not to move. His task was clear and it seemed so easy. Yet how come it suddenly became so difficult? His member throbbed from the lack of fraction. The need. Oh yes, how much he needed it.

_“…on our way to FOTA Fan Forum and uhm… we have a great time sharing our experience…”_

He could hear his own voice somewhere in the background and it was unnerving. His own face was staring back at him. This calloused smile, false words coming out of his mouth. And he loathed it. He hated it with his whole heart. Oh, how he wished he could act like Nico. He had always been so natural, laid-back in front of the camera. But his own self, he despised.

The feeling disappeared as soon as it was created for Nico’s pace began to quicken – his hand now moving faster and more confident. Fingers, slick with the fresh pre cum, were sliding up and down his length. Up and down. The divine motion.

Nico’s thumb caressed his head and Esteban felt like he couldn’t take it anymore. He threw his head back and closed his eyes, gnawing at his bottom lip. So close.

And suddenly everything stopped.

Just like that. Nico’s hands were gone and Esteban whimpered and tossed himself, because no… he could not just stop like that. It was unfair.

“Please…” he moaned.

His hips moving on their own accord as he thrusted into the void, desperate for the slightest touch, the tiniest of fractions… but nothing came. A feeling of frustration overflew his body and he felt like crying. Longing for a release that never came.

“Esteban…” Nico said gently. “Esteban, focus.”

The younger man breathed hard through his nose, as he tried to regain his composure. Focusing in his current state surely wasn’t an easy task. He blinked hard, trying not to let the freshly formed tears run down his cheeks.

“Remember what I said, okay?” Nico asked, moving to kneel down in front of Esteban.

“Hmm?...”

“I want you to feel it” he said, looking the Mexican deep in the eye. “I want you to feel it as you watch it.”

Esteban nodded, although he wasn’t sure if he understood. He had tried so hard, but he couldn’t find the meaning in the German’s words. A part of him felt like he had failed, but the other was too distracted to care. And Nico’s hot breath on his manhood wasn’t helping at all…

 

A single breath. A disturbance of air. And the idea of Nico’s mouth, hot and wet and inviting – were more than enough to turn the Mexican into a squirming mess of lust and need. But Nico took his time. He parted his lips and looked up at the younger man, making Esteban feel as if it all could be over too soon. Esteban gasped, seeing those blue eyes staring back at him. So intently. So lovingly. And he could not understand what he’d ever done to deserve this. Out of all of the people on Earth, why him?

Nico smiled. Why would he smile?

“Ich liebe dich” he whispered and it was one of the very few German phrases that Esteban knew. _I love you too_ – he wanted to answer, but somehow he wasn’t able to find the words, his mind clouded as tried focusing on what was about to happen.

Nico adjusted his position on the floor and placed both of his hands on the younger man’s hips, to keep him in place.

 _“Of course this one is special… with all the Mexican fans and the flags… we will try our best…”_ said his voice in the background, yet he wasn’t sure if he cared anymore.

A breath got caught in his throat as Nico’s lips touched the very tip of his cock.

Just a small kiss. A pre taste.

And then it happened.

Nico opened his mouth and took him in, swallowing a great part of his length in one swift motion. The wetness and the tightness devoured him whole.

And right there and then nothing else mattered. All of his problems – the team, the money, his family, his stupid TV appearance… Meaningless…

* * *

Esteban woke up to a pair of icy blue eyes looking at him in the way no one else in the world ever would.

He was lying in Nico’s bed, clad only in his boxer briefs and a T shirt that was two sizes too big. He didn’t remember getting dressed nor finding his way to the bedroom… He didn’t even remember falling asleep. All that mattered was the blissful feeling that had clouded his thoughts and made him forget about the world around him.

And that Nico was still there, lying right beside him.

“How are you feeling?”

“Bien…” Esteban mumbled, not really feeling like creating a proper sentence.

He snuggled closer to the German, letting his head rest in the crook of his neck and inhaled his scent. _Good_. Yes, he did feel good. A faint memory of the video crossed his mind, but it was too blurred, too unimportant for him to bother. What was the point if he had the love of his life right next to him, accepting even the most stupid part of his personality?

“Thank you…” he wanted to say, yet he wasn’t even sure if he had spoken those words out loud.

He was about to fall into sleep once again as the older man shifted beside him, trying to find a slightly more comfortable position and putting his arm the Mexican’s shoulder.

“Esteban?...”

“Hmm…”

Nico placed a kiss on top of his head.

“Meine Liebe wächst von Tag zu Tag” he whispered. “Ich möchte… ich möchte den Rest meines Lebens mit Dir verbringen.”

 Esteban sighed against the skin on Nico’s neck and closed his eyes. He did not understand the words, but the way the German had spoken them was so nice… so comforting… and he let it lull him back into sleep, falling into a blissful oblivion.

**Author's Note:**

> This oneshot is a gift for two lovely girls: [clubforce](http://clubforce.tumblr.com/) and [theboastalot](http://theboastalot.tumblr.com/). Thank you for everything you've done and I hope you enjoyed <3
> 
> (PS.: Tbh, I donn't have an idea why the POV has changed somewhere in the middle. It just happened. I hope it wasn't too much of a disturbance...)


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